Posts Tagged ‘direction’

Earlier in class, one of my classmates who happens to be a former seminarian, and who is now a counselor, and an active church leader, asked me of my reason for wanting to become a teacher. Then I was kind of “uhhh” “uhmm” Then I realized I really did not know why, nor did I ever thought about it.

First and foremost I wanted to have masters degree in Psychology, probably on Counseling or Clinical Psychology. However, I couldn’t afford yet the tuition fees so I have to find a job and save money for my future. That was my original plan.

Few days after, instead of finding a job, I found my self sleeping, eating, doing nothing at home. I was basically bumming around, annoying people (parents) and did all kinds of weird stuffs.  Then I lost my motivation. My mom bombarded me with questions like when am I gonna stop bumming around and start looking for a job. She’s basically giving me the pressure. Consequently, I started looking for a job online. I passed my application and my cv online to various companies some I know, others I have not the slightest idea as to what their company is about.

Then a few days after, a recruiter from Convergys called me on my land line phone and asked me if I was interested in applying for customer service representative in the company. They got my number from my Alma matter’s database. Then I said,”Okay, I’ll try.” So I was scheduled for an interview the next day. When I arrived on the venue, I saw a close friend who happened to have just passed the final interview and was there for the training. Since I was very early, I sat with him and we chatted. There I also found out that his boyfriend was also in the other call center company where my friend previously worked. He was also applying  for the costumer service position.

Few minutes later, I saw my other friend who also my school mate in USC. He was also applying in Convergys. And I saw his baby and his girlfriend who was also a school mate of mine.

What conspired the whole day was all good. I passed the processes, and was scheduled for the final interview the next day. But then I didn’t pass the final interview. It wasn’t all that bad. My realization on that following day was that I can never get things that I never wanted, and that I can only strive for what I want. Or maybe I am just trying to justify my actions. But really I’m so lazy to get a job right now.

Then came May, my cousin who was working with CTTE in CSCST, where I am currently having my DPE course, said his “simply inspiring” words that did inspire me to enroll. So here I am now, hopeful to be a teacher’s board passer and become a teacher.

I’m back again with the same question, why do I want to become a teacher. All I know is that I have no answers as of the moment. But soon enough I will definitely have my answers.

I just told my classmate that as of now, I’m taking the opportunity that the world has given me that’s why I am here. I don’t know my direction. I’m just merely taking a step to this road I am not fully aware of. And trying to explore if this is really where I belong. What matters is that I am enjoying what I have today, I am making friends. I am loving my subjects.

Sometimes if you are so preoccupied of the future, you will end up losing God’s gift, which is today. The reason why today is called present because It’s a blessing and it matters.

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diverged road

There is more to me than what you see.

Scarred with the pain that inflicts me

Devouring my wandering soul,

Underneath the shadows I call my own.

Despite all I’ve been through, I never quit

I have fought hard enough for me to sit

I suddenly see my self standing in the new world

I doubt if I belong.

I’ve wondered if I have a place here

A place I can call my own.

I’ve searched hard enough to find my home

But for now, I don’t know where I belong

Do I belong?

Most of you don’t really understand

What I’m going trough now is tough

Perhaps you know nothing of me at all

I’ve still yet to find what I’m capable of

My sense of purpose is confusing me

What am I destined for tomorrow?

Clueless, is this my direction?

Quite a diverged road I’m walking into now.

This divergence will take me there,

Hopefully to the place I shall call my home

© 2007 | jeelchristine poems

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