Posts Tagged ‘jeel’

Picture 0061s

I took this photograph on the evening of May 28, 2009. I was so bored I had no Internet. There wasn’t anything to do. I was unwilling to watch TV, though I was kind of revived from my frustration on that day, It still wasn’t enough. I tried to read one of my favorite books from Salman Rushdie entitled “The Satanic Verses” but I stopped. I just couldn’t stick with the lines, or I just wasn’t engrossed with the reading as I was before the first time I read it.  Maybe It’s really different when you’ve read a book the first time and you read it again the second time. [Undecided] On second thought, maybe not because I read the Sword of Truth series the second time around and I was totally into the books as I was the first time I read them. Maybe it’s my mood that’s affecting me. That’s probably it

So, like I said I took the picture last night. It’s supposed to be an emotive portrait of me. If you notice there are black smudge on my left eye. It’s actually make up. I intentionally smeared my make up to make it look like someone punched me on the left eye and gave me that “black-eye.” I was compelled to do it for no reason at all.

So, can anyone tell me if you are convinced or not, cause I am not.My face is just blank.

While I was doing this, my thoughts were on the song  from U2 entitled “Stay (Faraway, So Close).” I really love that song because it talks about women who are abused by their partners, and anyone who is in love but the other person doesn’t feel the same. I like the lines that say, “Three o’clock in the morning. It’s quiet and there’s no one around. Just the bang and the clatter as an angel runs to the ground. Just the bang and the clatter as an angel hits the ground.”


Now, this is what I call boredom’s doldrums. I’m really bored because I have no Internet at the moment. Now I am here in an Internet café—paying. I guess the server in my place is down. And this is something that really pisses me off. Oh well, let me just use this solitary moment to share what ever is on my mind at the moment since I am not doing anything beneficial or worthwhile lately.

It has been quite a while since I quit reading mythology, new age and the occult, which are my fascination. I started my fascination with the occult when my cousin who is I guess 20 years older than I am, showed the occult threshold to me. I mean not literally. Well she must have been one of the first people who influenced me with occult studies.  I was only in elementary, probably when I was ten or eleven, when she got married with her second husband. It was also the same time when she brought an antique occult book from elsewhere. I could still remember the big brown old book with a very striking title on the hardbound cover page. DEMONOLOGY. And there I was intrigue. Harry Potter books were quite her fascination, and my cousins too. But Harry didn’t catch me the way the big brown old book did.

Too bad it was the first and the last time I saw it.

Her parents didn’t know of the book’s existence. Her sisters and brothers didn’t, but I did. She could have known that I like the occult and weird things too, or she wouldn’t share it with me. We are not really close, probably due to our age gap, nor am I close with any of her siblings. But it was the very first time that I actually felt that I belong to something, a world greater than my own.

Few years’ back, I started reading witchcraft. It’s not that I want to be a witch or something. I just want to be educated with it. And then I read about astral projections, OBE (out-of-body expreinces), dreaming, psychic development, and ESP (extra-sensory perceptions). In fact I have quite good books in my library.

In my attempt and intent to find justification to these occult phenomenons, I bumped into a field where I am now, Psychology. There I started reading about Carl Guztav Jung, who is my first favorite and is still my favorite psychologist, because his ideas were the only ones that could possibly enlighten me with the occult.

Carl Gustav Jung was a Swiss. His father was a pastor in a Swiss Reformed Church. But he was more of a skeptic though religion was one of his work’s themes. Jung had wide range of interests he was convinced not to limit his learnings with just one field. He studied archaeology, anthropology, literature, and others. One thing that I really like about him is that he stands for his beliefs though others continually criticize him for being heretic and being a weirdo. But he wasn’t heretic. Anyone who is an avid reader of his works can testify to that. And about the weirdo thingy, I do really want to comment on that, though he was kind of an introvert as a child.

Progressively over the years, all my learnings have deteriorated just like that. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. I feel really frustrated with my self now. I want to know things I do not know, and with each documentary I watch over National Geographic or Discovery Channel or article I read from book or from the internet, it feels like its never enough and am so impulsively wanting to get more. And now It’s so unfortunate because I have no internet access, and I know am obviously trying to forget about the internet and focus on something worthwhile.

So, this is just part one of my story about this world greater than my own.

Mood: Relaxed

Listening: Dido – Thank You


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